Mon
May
19
Conversation With American God
- God: (mumbling sleepily) uh... hello?
- Me: Uhm, hey God, it's me... David
- God: Dude, you can't keep calling me up like this, it's fucking 1 in the morning
- Me: Oh...sorry, I called earlier but I got the busy tone, then it sent me to your voice mail, and you know I don't trust-
- God: Well soooorry, I mean, Jesus Christ, there is another Six Billion of you, you know?
- Me: Well yeah, but-
- God: I mean, c'mon 'Help me win the lottery' 'Help me meet a nice jewish boy' 'Guide me in smiting the infidels' 'Help me make the right choice'. Seriously, I left you guys pretty well off: the opposable thumbs, discerning right and wrong... you'd think the whole 'Teach a man how to fish' thing would've gotten you off my back a little bit.
- Me: Rough day, God?
- God: *sigh* you have nooo fucking clue.
- Me: But I mean really can you blame us for seeking some guidance?
- God: And can you blame me for being a bit tired, I mean I create the universe I give you some rules so you guys are- wait why are you questioning me?, aren't you catholic?
- Me: Aren't you all knowing?
- God: *grunt* OK, so what do you need?
- Me: What are you fucking Santa, now? I just wanted to see how you were doing...
- God: Oh, well uhm...you know, I've been doing some stuff, making appearnces here and there, fuckin' with old bushy's head
- Me: About that....
- God: Hey, you elected him, I'm just having fun with it.
- Me: *sigh*
- God: Listen, I am dying of sleep, how about I call you in the morning?
- Me: I have a test tomorrow morning.
- God: Ok, you call me then...
- Me: Promise you'll pick up?
- God: *mutters* for the love of....Yes, I'll pick up
- Me: 'Night God
- *Click*
